How I Know I'm Marrying the Right Man

Wisdom teeth schmisdom teeth. I experienced my first real moment of fear in who knows how long while waiting to have my wisdom teeth extracted this past Friday. I was really nervous. Usually, I love the dentist. I had very pleasant experiences getting my teeth cleaned and having fluoride treatments as a child back at Dr. Schoen's office in Munster, IN. But Friday I wasn't in Munster and I wasn't at a dentist's office. I was at an unholy oral surgeon's where, a few weeks earlier, some bimbo of an assistant explained to me that while getting my wisdom teeth extracted it was possible that bone fragments would inadvertently get lodged in my sinuses, causing a humongous "but routine" infection. How exactly is a sinus infection caused by bone fragments from a wisdom tooth extraction routine?

But anyway, I'm sitting in the oral surgeon chair, chatting with the assistant, who has me hooked up to this machine that monitors my vital signs. I'm thinking about sinuses and bone fragments, and what my first experience being under general anesthesia will be like. She keeps telling me, "Honey, you have to breathe. " She was watching the blips on the monitor, and every minute or so the lines would dip, signaling that I wasn't breathing normally. So I was nervous. But the surgeon came in, he started the anesthesia IV, and the next thing I know I'm waking up and feeling kind of woozy. I see the assistant, (not the bimbo, the one who told me to breathe) and to my right I see Efe. He's sitting on the ledge of the window sill, and as soon as I see him I feel the hugest sense of relief. Almost to the point where I want to cry. I know immediately that I'm safe. The surgery is over, and all I have to do is let Efe take care of me. It doesn't hurt that he's not bad on the eyes, either. Waking up to find your handsome soon-to-be-husband at your side smiling at you isn't a bad way to wake up from anesthesia.

Saturday morning I woke him up early and we walked to Metropolis, a cute little cafe on Granville that serves a seriously awesome jasmine green tea latte. Had tea/coffee and shared some nibbles (herbed goat cheese croissant and ginger pear tart --delicioso) and talked. We walked back to our place hand in hand and spent a leisurely Saturday doing absolutely nothing. I wouldn't have it any other way. So, that's how I know I'm marrying the right man. Thanks for being there, honey. You're my knight in shining armor. Seni seviyorum. I love you.

Whoopi

Whoopi Goldberg is my new hero. Now that I have cable TV, I have been spending an inordinate amount of time in front of it. It's a shame, really. But I justify being a couch potato with the fact that the weather has been crappy.

Back to Whoopi. So I was flipping through the channels on Friday, and I came across Whoopi doing stand up comedy. She was wearing dark sunglasses, a bandana around her forehead and had this weird pothead body shake going on. I though, "My God, when did Whoopi let herself become such a junky? She used to be so vibrant, so funny -- think of her in Sister Act!" Turns out that it was just one of the characters she embodies in her one woman show. It was terrific. I watched for over an hour as she morphed from this pothead character to a southern belle talking about her pudenda. The woman is a genius -- and not only is she funny, but she's intelligent and talks about current affairs and politics. I actually laughed out loud when she was talking about how gay marriage became such a hot button issue in the 2004 elections. She was like "And what the crap is up with Sponge Bob? People are saying that he's gay. How the hell do they know that he's gay? We don't know shit about Sponge Bob and his sexual preference. Hell, all we know about Sponge Bob is that he lives in a damn pineapple at the bottom of the sea."
That really tickled my funny bone... Word Whoopi, Word. And then she was talking about change and how we can't prevent it, but that we can keep an eye on the governement. She started talking about the Sting and the Police song -- 'Every breath you take, every move you make, I'll be watching you." And instead of being another cynic talking about how the government is Big Brother and all, she said no, it's the other way around. We have to let the government know that OUR eye is on THEM.... we should all just go around humming that song. How awesome would it be to get a big group of people to attend some Bush talk and just start humming that song under our breath? How great would that be?

JP and KL - I hereby nominate Whoopi for honorary membership of Wafia, what say you?